12.24.2008.II

Sometimes I want a family like that.
Don't get me wrong. I love my family,
but I guess the grass is greener.

Every one's family is a little dysfunctional
and screwed up, so I mean, I'm sure you
have your problems too, but it just seems
so much easier there. That's what outward
appearances tell me, at least, and inward, from
what I've seen. It's been a long time since I've
seen you and your family in action, though.
It's been a long time since I've seen you, and
trust me, I like it that way. I still can't think
about you without feeling that twinge of anger
and resentment. That's to be expected,
I supposed. Why am I rambling on like this?

Christmas eve is proving to be less then marvelous.
I woke up, showered, left Shelby's house, worked
the worst shift ever, came home, got yelled at,
cleaned, talk to Zackary, and cleaned more.
I'm worried about you. I hope you're okay.

Tomorrow. I want today to be over.
I shouldn't say that though. Every day above
ground is both a blessing and a gift, and
I should be grateful. I am, really, but lately,
and by lately I mean all of this year, 2008,
I have felt that I lack a direction. I know I'm
here to help people, I can feel it, that's why
I'm on this earth, but I don't know where to start.
I don't know how, or what, or where, or when.
That's okay though. I love living.