Back and forth, back and forth.
I get so scared, so nervous, so restless at night, thinking about things. I used to do this all the time, then I stopped, and now I do it more. Whenever I'm alone. I don't write anymore. I don't make art that means anything. I'm too scared of the outcome. I want to spend forever listening to the sweet sound of a cello and writing, writing, thinking.

So scared.
I love a boy, but I want to fall back into the passionate, writhing love I was in before. I feel like now I'm more in a sort of...comfort love? I'm uncomfortable with the notion and I don't like/want/intend to talk about it because it makes me stutter and mix up my words. I don't know how to make myself fall out of love, or back into a more deep kind of love. We're too young to have to worry about this, well, to have to worry about me worrying about this.

I intended to start writing this and not stop until I felt everything was better, but I can't make it better by writing about it.